I love this Doctor

 Q: Doctor,  I've heard that  cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

 A: Your  heart is only good for so many  beats, and that's it...  don't waste them on exercise.
Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend  the life
of your car by driving it faster.  Want to live longer?  Take a  nap.

 Q: Should  I cut  down on meat and  eat more fruits and  vegetables?

 A: You  must grasp  logistical efficiencies.  What does a cow eat?   Hay
and corn. And what are these?  Vegetables.  So a steak  is nothing
more  than an efficient mechanism of  delivering vegetables to your 
system.   Need grain?   Eat  chicken.   Beef is also a good source  of
field grass  (green leafy vegetable).  And a pork chop can  give you 
100% of your recommended daily allowance of  vegetable  products.

 Q: Should  I reduce my  alcohol intake?

 A:  No,  not at all.  Wine is made from  fruit.  Brandy is  distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of  the fruity bit so you  get
even more of the goodness that  way.   Beer is also made out  of grain. 
Bottoms   up!

 Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat  ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have  fat, your ratio is one  to one. 
If you have two bodies, your  ratio is two to  one, etc.

 Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

 A: Can't  think of a single one, sorry.  My  philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

 Q:  Aren't  fried  foods bad for you?

 A:  YOU'RE  NOT  LISTENING!!! .....  Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. 
In fact, they're permeated in it.  How could getting more  vegetables be bad for you?

 Q:  Will  sit-ups  help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

 A: Definitely not! When  you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You 

should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger  stomach.

 Q:  Is   chocolate bad for me?

A:  Are   you crazy? HELLO Cocoa  beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's
the best feel-good food around!

 Q:  Is   swimming good for your figure?

 A:  If   swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to  me.

 Q:  Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

 A:  Hey!  'Round' is  a shape!

 Well,   I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may  have had
about  food   and diets.

 And  remember:

'Life should  NOT  be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving  safely in an
attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways -
Chardonnay in one  hand - - chocolate in  the other - body thoroughly used up, 
totally worn out and screaming 'WOO  HOO, What a  Ride'